From six years of parenting, I have finally learned that discipline works WAY better if you really hone in on what your child's currency is. While "no dessert" may mean the world to one child, it may mean nothing to the next.
I'm now quite confident with what Paige's currency is. It involves the night time routine. We usually watch a bit of a show with a drink, go upstairs to brush teeth and then Rich reads to one and I read to another (usually going back and forth each night - but this depends on circumstances). During the whole day if Paige is misbehaving, I can threaten the harmony of those events and it usually speaks loudly to her.
Tonight is an example. She requested Rich to read to her. He was going to read to Will. She threw a fit and lost a reader altogether. This is heart-breaking to her and she even used lines like, "I'll do anything you ask me to if you read to me." First, let me say that it is not her extreme desire for the written word that makes her want to be read to so bad. It is, of course, the procrastinated bedtime and bonding time with us. Now, I'm not cold-hearted. I hated to see her so upset before bed. You'd think we told her the whole family was going to Disney World but her. But eliminating this choosiness is something we're trying to do and she threw a fit about this same thing not too long ago but was still read to after an apology. Refer to my 1/18 post to see that sometimes "sorry" doesn't cut it. I think we made a point tonight. She is sleeping now and I'm pretty sure she won't run away tomorrow.
Will's currency is yet to be determined. He's the king of the parental threaten backfire. "You won't get to go the park if you keep that up." In an almost pleased voice he'd respond, "Okay!" I have used a "time out" chair much more for him than Paige. And lately when I voice that I am proud of him for something he tells me things like, "See? I'm a good boy so I don't have to go to the time out chair." So perhaps that statement of, "You're in trouble" that the time out chair makes has an impact on him. I'm sure it will change and I'll keep my radar on for it!
So, my currency is Tivo. I like my time to sit and watch my shows commercial-free in power-watching mode. Don't mess with it. What is your currency?
Kenny’s 15 and Luke’s 12 year stats
6 years ago
7 comments:
great post, karen! i cracked up reading this with your commentary!
i think that luke's definitely like paige.
and bennett? still NO IDEA what his currency is. if he ever decided, he'd change his mind again right away just so i wouldn't know. yesterday, he was TRULY sorry for having done something wrong and we actually complimented him on being truly sorrowful. it's such a weird dynamic.
my currency? alone time in the evening. matt can be here, but no kids who need me to wipe their noses or butts (is it ok for me to say that in the comments?) or feed them or get them a drink. and i can be watching tv, reading or blogging...doesn't matter as long as it's quiet.
hmmm...
i think my currency would just be a chunk of time where it's just me relaxing, whether it includes tivo, reading, lounging, you name it.
Alone time, which is plentiful for me. More specifically, in a nice warm tub with whatever great (or not so great) book I happen to be reading at the time. And maybe Sunday morning breakfast. One of my favorite things.
i just saw on nicole's that you joined fb too yesterday. i think that makes 3 of us. i friended you.
suzanne
Check out this blogger:
http://kazooisms.blogspot.com/
I am dying over here. Dying.
My hat's off to you about the bedtime incident w/ Paige. If you think it's hard as a parent to stand firm, just wait til you're a grandparent seeing discipline being doled out--sometimes almost makes me cry! But, believe me, you are doing the right thing, and I know that by bedtime, it would have been so much easier to just give in to the path of least resistance (or any time, for that matter!). You are giving your kids the best gift by being a strong parent and teaching them, even in little instances, about consequences. I can tell you do this in a spirit of love (even though I'm sure you probably feel "on the edge" at the time); your kids are lucky indeed.
I'm a friend of Nicole's from growing up together and I've been reading your blog for a while. I HAD to comment on this post!
I have three kids also. My oldest is just like Paige. We've had to take away his reading time before bed twice and he HATES it. My middle one, like you and Nicole, I have no idea what her currency is. I wish one of you would figure it out so I could try it on mine! Ha!
I love my tivo time in the evenings also after the kids have gone to bed. So nice to watch TV on your time w/o commercials and all!
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